What is Domestic Abuse?

This controlling behaviour is designed to make a person dependent by isolating them from support, exploiting them, depriving them of independence and regulating their everyday behaviour. Some common examples of coercive behaviour are:

• Isolating you from friends and family, depriving you of basic needs, such as food

• Monitoring your time

• Monitoring you via online communication tools or spyware

• Taking control over aspects of your everyday life, such as where you can go, who you can see, what you can wear and when you can sleep

• Depriving you access to support services, such as medical services

• Repeatedly putting you down, such as saying you’re worthless

• Humiliating, degrading or dehumanising you Controlling your finances Making threats or intimidating you

Financial abuse is a form of coercive control that involves manipulating, exploiting, and degrading a partner through financial means. Perpetrators use money as a tool to limit their victim's freedom and independence. This can manifest in various ways, such as:

• Unauthorised use of finances: Misusing credit or debit cards or incurring debt in the victim's name without consent.

• Restricting access to resources: Withholding essential items like food, clothing, or transportation.

• Undermining economic potential: Preventing the victim from seeking employment, education, or training opportunities.

Economic abuse is a broader term encompassing financial abuse and other tactics aimed at controlling a person's economic situation. This can include limiting access to bank accounts, refusing to contribute to household expenses, or sabotaging the victim's job prospects.

• Controlling all of the household income and keeping financial information a secret 

• Taking out debts in your name, sometimes without you knowing  

• Stopping you from being in work, education or training 

• Making you do a certain amount of hours at work, not contributing to any bills  

• Having control over spending, checking receipts, having everything in their name 

If you have a disability or chronic health condition, you may be at increased risk of abuse. It's important to remember that abuse is never your fault. The abuser is solely responsible for their harmful actions. Domestic abuse can occur in any relationship, including those involving caregivers or personal assistance. If someone in a position of care takes advantage of their power, this constitutes abuse. 

• Withholding, hiding, destroying or manipulating medical equipment and/or tools, such as a walking stick, cane, hearing aid or wheelchair 

• Refusing to help with attending important meetings, such as hospital appointments or benefit assessments 

• Refusing to interpret what people are saying around you, for example if you are Deaf and use sign language  

• Theft of state benefits or any other financial income 

• Sexual touching while assisting you with personal care, such as dressing or bathing 

• Demanding sex in exchange for caregiving 

• Forced marriage or repeated sexual violence against women who cannot consent due to disability 

• Prevention of access to medication or pain relief  

• Overmedicating or under medicating, or changing a medication without telling you 

• Doing things to exacerbate or take advantage of a disability or health condition, such as smoking indoors, leaving unreachable windows open in winter, or refusing to allow you to go to the toilet  

• Refusing to assist you with caregiving responsibilities, including providing adequate meals and nutrition, dressing, bathing, access to transport and cleaning duties 

• Isolating you from friends, family, support workers and support groups 

• Saying that you are ugly or useless because of your disability or calling you stupid because you don’t understand

Psychological and emotional abuse can be difficult to describe or identify. It’s when a perpetrator uses words and non-physical actions to manipulate, hurt, scare or upset you. Some examples of emotional and verbal abuse are: 

• Screaming and shouting at you 

• Mocking you, calling you hurtful names or using derogatory words about you 

• Sulking or refusing to talk or be kind until you do something they want 

• Making you doubt your own sanity. This is known as gaslighting. A perpetrator may gaslight you into thinking that you are remembering things wrong or that you are misinterpreting things, later making you believe their version of events is true. This behaviour is often used to manipulate. 

• Threatening that they will destroy something, hurt you or commit suicide 

• Threatening to report you to the police, social services or a mental health team if you don’t do what they say 

• Telling you that they’re sorry, that it isn’t abuse 

• Telling you that you deserve or cause the abuse 

• Threatening to kill or harm you and/or your children

Sexual abuse and violence can happen within relationships or between family members, often as part of domestic abuse. Remember, consent is freely given. If you feel pressured or afraid, it's not consent. Some examples of sexual abuse include:

• Rape or sexual assault. This can be any sexual act you did not consent to. It can include forced kissing, touching or penetration. If you have experienced this recently, find advice on getting treatment and support here.  

• Having sex with you when you are unable to consent, for example, if you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol, which may affect your ability to consent. 

• Using force, threats, guilt, manipulation or intimidation to make you perform sexual acts.  

• Forcing you to have sex with other people or to become a sex worker. 

• Forcing you to have sex or watch pornography in front of children. 

• Degrading you during sex, such as calling you names, spitting, biting, punching or hurting you.

Tech abuse occurs when technology is used as a weapon of abuse. As homes become increasingly connected, this insidious form of control is on the rise. Abusers can exploit smart home devices to monitor and manipulate victims, adjusting thermostats, remotely controlling lights and speakers, or surveilling them through security cameras. Cyberstalking, the persistent harassment via digital means, is another alarming tactic employed by abusers.